mixtapestar (mixtapestar) wrote,

fic: One Hell of an Antidote (1/3)

Title: One Hell of an Antidote
Fandom: Doctor Who
Ship: Eleven/Amy/Rory
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 25k
Summary: Rory finds he's doing a lot of unexpected things with his life. Constantly seeing things that should be impossible, loving in perhaps unconventional ways, and way more running than he anticipated. He wouldn't give it up for anything.
Notes: Written for polybigbang. Huge thanks to reinventweather, as always, for the beta, and for talking me through this in its various stages. ♥ And much love for alchemise, who made the amazing art to go with the story! Check it out (either now or at the end, there are no spoilers) and let her know how much you love it!

Rory steps out of the TARDIS, and he can't quite believe his eyes: a real, proper beach, with sand and ocean and seagulls. And it only took them five tries.

"I don't know how many times I've promised you a beach," the Doctor had said. "So that's where we're going, a proper beach."

Of course, Rory and Amy both had shaken their heads and smiled fondly at him, because there was always, inevitably, something more interesting going on off the beach, if they even made it that far.

"You go out first," Amy had told the Doctor when they landed. "I'm not going out dressed the wrong way again. I nearly froze to death last time. If we're not at the beach, I'm staying in."

Rory gives her a dubious look for that, and she stands firm with her crossed arms for a whole three seconds before adding, "Or, well, you're at least going to wait for me to change clothes first."

But the Doctor actually did it this time. It's a lovely, deserted (according to the Doctor) island, and maybe the water's a bit too purple and the gulls look more like eels with wings, but it's real and it actually feels like a proper vacation getaway.

When they first get settled, it's oddly like they haven't even left Earth. The Doctor stays in the TARDIS to make sure everything's all set, and as Amy straightens up her towel and positions herself in just the right way to catch the proper amount of sunlight (Rory will never understand this phenomenon), he feels like they're just at home, having a proper, boring holiday.

But then the Doctor comes out to join them and he's still wearing his bowtie and braces (though he has at least thought to ditch the jacket), and Rory has to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Maybe it's not quite like home.

Amy reprimands him for the completely ridiculous outfit, but the Doctor's mind is not easily swayed.

"But I don't want to get in the water, why would I need swimming trunks?"

Rory is content to let the two of them hash it out, and he's quite enjoying himself until the Doctor turns to him and says, "Rory, if you weren't going swimming, and you were comfortable like this--"

"Oh, no," Rory says, holding his hands up. "Don't pull me in the middle, I am not getting involved."

Of course, that just makes Amy insist that he pick a side, and the Doctor defends Rory's decision to stay out of it, and then their bickering is about him, so he has to put a stop to it.

"Alright!" he shouts over the two of them. "Just, Doctor, go change."

The Doctor looks at him with searching eyes, but Rory's not about to back down now. There's only so much bickering he can take with the two of them.

"Fine," the Doctor finally says petulantly. Amy utters a happy little hmph and Rory knows he's forgiven when the Doctor pats him on the shoulder before heading back to the TARDIS.

Amy smiles at him and gives him a quick kiss, his reward for taking her side, he supposes.

"Oh," she says suddenly as if realizing something, staring at his bare shoulders, "you're going to get all burnt. I'd better see the Doctor about sunscreen."

"Don't, I'll go get it," Rory says, but she tunes him out completely and hurries off in the direction of the TARDIS. "Or I can just... wait here."

He stares out at the sea while he waits. The scene is calm and peaceful just like he always wished for when he'd been younger, when inevitably there would be tons of tourists making a great deal of noise.

It's nice. It's exactly what he had always wanted on a holiday: a chance to be by himself with his thoughts.

But that was before the Doctor. Now, he's seen so much, so many lifeforms and planets and foods, and he's been able to share all of it with Amy and the Doctor. Now, on his own, he stares out at the water and is unbelievably bored.

He considers going exploring, but he's learned quite well to listen to the Doctor's rule of "don't wander off." Plus, is there even anything to explore on a deserted island?

While he's contemplating this, he starts to get a strange feeling that someone is watching him. He sits up straighter, trying to shake it off, and slowly, he focuses his gaze subtly to the left.

There is sudden movement, and Rory yelps. What he can only describe as a chipmunk with elephant ears darts away from him, frightened by the sudden noise. "Oh, hello," he says quietly, reaching toward it slowly. He's suddenly reminded of the Narnia tales, and part of him wonders with some paranoia that the creature is going to give him an exasperated look and tell him to stop that.

It doesn't though, and just like his aunt's cat, it takes his stillness as a sign of safety and cautiously comes closer. Rory waits patiently, smiling when it gets close enough to sniff at his hand.

"They're quite beautiful creatures, aren't they?" the Doctor says, popping up out of bloody nowhere and making Rory nearly jump out of his skin.

"You scared it off!" Rory accuses, watching the animal scurry into the trees.

"Me? You're the one that shooed it away," the Doctor says, dropping to a sitting position next to Rory.

"That wasn't shooing, that was... gesturing! I was trying to protect myself because you snuck up on me!"

Rory looks at the Doctor properly now, realizing that he's followed through with Amy's instructions, and is wearing only a simple pair of trunks. He looks... normal. It's weird.

"Gesturing, how's that working as a front line of self-defense?" the Doctor asks quietly with a small smile.

"It gets me by," Rory replies, smiling back. He listens to the subtle roar of the ocean and feels the sun on his skin and in that moment, he feels completely content.

"Here's your sunscreen," Amy says from behind him, and that's all the warning he gets before she chucks the bottle at his back.

"Ow," he complains, but quietly. Then he notices her new outfit. "Where did you get that?"

"TARDIS wardrobe," she explains, admiring the new, skimpier bathing suit. Rory can't help but admire it, too, but he edges a look over at the Doctor, curious about his reaction.

"She's quite good to her favorite passengers," the Doctor says, and still, after all this time, it takes Rory a second to realize he's talking about the TARDIS. He stops trying to figure out if the Doctor is checking out his wife and feels oddly touched by the statement, even if the Doctor was referring to Amy and not him.

The Doctor shifts to look at him, and Rory's momentarily at a loss for words. He starts to wonder if he should say thank you, if maybe the Doctor can read his thoughts, but the Doctor just says, "Would you like some help with that?"

Rory stares at him dumbly at first, feeling as usual two steps behind. "He means the sunscreen, idiot," Amy helpfully supplies, and Rory doesn't even glare at her.

"Sure, yeah," he says, taking the bottle and putting some on himself. The Doctor moves behind him to spread the lotion on his back, and Rory catches Amy's grin. He rolls his eyes at her and she gives him a look of false innocence, but the Doctor just goes on rubbing his back, happily oblivious. It's quite nice actually, and the lotion's not even cold. He ignores the innuendo he can read in Amy's eyes and concentrates on rubbing the lotion into his arms.

When the Doctor finishes up, Amy insists he let her do his back. The Doctor agrees happily, still oblivious, and Rory watches as Amy rubs the lotion slowly into his skin. Somewhat surprisingly, he doesn't feel angry, more fondly exasperated, especially since the Doctor has no idea what she's aiming at.

"You'd better let me do your face as well," she says, having him turn to face her. Rory stares in amazement as the Doctor sits perfectly still, eyes closed, for at least fifteen seconds.

Amy pauses her lotion-related endeavors and seems to appreciate the phenomenon too. She glances back at Rory for a fleeting moment, then reaches out for the Doctor, framing his face with her hands. Rory has barely a second to decide whether he should protest, but the Doctor's eyes slide open before Amy can lean in for the kiss, and then he's backing away, stammering; standing up and moving back.

Rory feels completely embarrassed for him, feeling himself blush despite not being involved at all. The Doctor makes up some excuse before running off, and Rory glares at Amy and says, "You've got to stop doing that."

Amy just rolls her eyes. "You're no fun."

Rory knows the dismissal when he hears it, so he continues. "Seriously though. It makes him uncomfortable. And uncomfortable people make me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is starting to not sound like a word anymore."

"He doesn't mind," she insists, scoffing.

"Amy," he says, giving her a meaningful look. He hopes the look is more eloquent than he is.

She stares him down for a few moments, but eventually sighs. "Fine," she says, "I'll be a little less... forward."

Rory thinks that's not much of a promise, but he knows that's all he's going to get.

"Aw, you're cute when you're jealous," Amy says, cuddling up to him.

"I'm not jealous," he protests, but he welcomes her kiss nonetheless. Okay, maybe he is a bit jealous, but it feels different from the way he was jealous when he first met the Doctor. And part of him wonders what the two of them would look like, kissing, which doesn't make sense at all.

Amy insists on "getting some sun" for a while and the Doctor hasn't come back yet, so Rory starts building a sandcastle. It changes from a sandcastle to more of a sandworld by the time the Doctor shows up, and he's so thrilled about it that he joins Rory in adding buildings and creatures. The sand is easier to shape than the sand from Earth, and Rory feels a bit like that's cheating, but he's proud of the end result.

The Doctor regards him with one of his huge smiles, and Rory opens his mouth to thank the Doctor for this getaway, for taking a break for just one day. But the adorable elephant-eared chipmunk darts out onto the sand again, catching Rory's eye, and before he knows it the creature has destroyed one of their skyscrapers and is hiding behind the wall of another. Rory feels a sense of foreboding and shares a look with the Doctor before looking back toward the treeline.

Looks like the island isn't so deserted after all.


"I can't believe you told us that island was deserted!" Rory protests, later. "There must have been a thousand of those things!"

"Lucky they were deathly afraid of water," Amy points out. She looks toward the Doctor and adds, "Lucky you were talked into wearing swimming trunks."

"Well, it stands to reason that they'd be afraid of water, what with being deserted on an island and not being able to fish," the Doctor says, ignoring the last part of her statement. "You two get some rest, then we'll see about getting the pachmunks to a more suitable habitat."

Rory kneels down to the cage containing several dozen of the elephant-eared chipmunks, or pachmunks, as the Doctor called them. He recalls following the friend he'd made on the beach back to his home and discovering that those things, whatever they were, had nearly destroyed their habitat. When the Doctor approached, he studied Rory’s devastated expression for only a few moments before he clasping Rory's shoulder and declaring that they would have to gather them all up and find them a better home. Rory had been oddly touched.

The Doctor wanders off with a statement about putting on proper clothes, and Rory looks back to see a pout on Amy's face. Rory feels a bit disappointed himself, though he can't quite pin down why. He's sure it's something to do with how the Doctor had looked almost like a normal bloke dressed that way.

"We should probably get a shower ourselves," Amy tells him, but he only half-hears her because the pachmunk is snuggling against his outstretched hand. It ruffles its ears, tickling his hand a bit, and he feels a smile stretching across his face. No matter where they go, life continues to amaze him.

"Rory," Amy complains, crouching down next to him.

"Right, shower, yeah. You can go first, I don't mind." When she doesn't move, Rory turns to her and discovers her 'I'm waiting for you to get it' look. "Oh! You mean, oh. Right!"

Amy laughs at him and swats him on the shoulder affectionately. "In a few minutes," she decides, leaning against him to presumably wait.

Rory shifts to press a kiss against her temple, and the pachmunk makes a squeaking noise the moment Rory stops paying attention to it. Amy giggles softly from beside him, and Rory feels as if he's on top of the world.


There are ups and downs to traveling with Amy and the Doctor, but there's one thing that he can never complain about: he's getting shagged. A lot. Amy loves the thrill of adventure and by the end of the day, no matter how exhausted either of them are, she's always up for something. Sometimes she's still in the mood to play around the next morning. Rory marvels sometimes that he is able to keep up with her.

It took him a few tries to not feel self-conscious in the TARDIS. The Doctor spoke of her like she was alive, and at times, it truly seemed that way. When he and Amy moved in after their wedding, the TARDIS provided a whole new room with a big, comfy bed and plenty of space for both of them. It even came equipped with... supplies. At first, Rory thought with a certain degree of embarrassment that the TARDIS had been a bit psychic in what she had provided, but then he'd found another drawer with whips and things and decided instead she was being more generic. At least he hoped that was the case, and not that Amy had some hidden secret.

Of course, Amy had been thrilled that the TARDIS was so accommodating, and she soon made Rory forget about his embarrassment.

Now, embarrassment is the furthest thing from Rory's mind. His only concern is the possibility of busting his head on the shower wall, and even that is a distant one.

Amy likes to save up blowjobs, only giving them out once in a while, as if they're rewards. Rory has never seen fit to complain, because everything she does is amazing, but she's definitely got some unique skill there. It certainly feels like a reward, anyway.

She sucks and licks, using her hands expertly, the water from the shower dripping warm over the both of them. She cups his balls and, just as he feels himself nearing the edge, she circles one finger around his hole, teasing, and that's all it takes. He comes with a cry and a sweet shudder, Amy clutching at his arse and urging him on.

"Good, yeah?" she asks, smug, as she stands.

Rory nods vigorously. "You're brilliant, you are."

She kisses him soundly, twisting her fingers into his hair. "Come on, let's get dried off so you can return the favor."

Unsurprisingly, Rory has no problems with this plan.


Rory sleeps soundly that night, waking up refreshed and ready to face the new day. Which is good, because they're on the planet of Jsunda for less than an hour before the Doctor announces that something's not right. The next thing Rory knows, they're storming an enormous, ancient castle, the Doctor using the psychic paper to get them right in to see the supposed leader.

"I've been here before. Not so long ago, this land was full of beings of all shapes and sizes. A beautiful melting pot and a thriving society. Now the streets are empty, the shops closed, the forests all but uninhabitable. What happened?"

"Precautions had to be taken," the Jsundan says, narrowing his eyes at the Doctor in suspicion. "Where did you say you were from again?"

The Doctor ignores him, continuing, "Explain to me what happened here, and maybe we can come to a happy agreement."

"We are the Farsowians, and we have no obligation to comply with the demands of... commoners."

The Doctor glances back at Amy, then Rory, before facing the Farsowian resolutely. "Very well, then. I know that you're imprisoning the peoples of this world, and you've frightened the ones that remain into hiding. So this is your warning, your only warning."

The Doctor backs up a step, moving exactly in between Amy and Rory. "Release the citizens of your land, or we'll stop you."

"The only citizens of my land are the Farsowian," he says, menacing, before pressing a button on his chair.

At first, nothing happens, but Rory can feel that something bad is looming just out of sight. He starts to shake a bit with anticipation, but before he can reprimand himself for that weakness, he realizes it's because the floor is shaking beneath him. There is a great rumbling, and the walls start to shake violently.

Rory looks at Amy, who looks at the Doctor, who is still busy staring down the Farsowian. The shaking starts to relent, but then there's a pounding as if a creature three times their size is running toward the room. "Doctor?" Rory prompts nervously.

"Yes, better run, I think," the Doctor says, and leads the way out of the building.


They're somewhere deep beneath the main floor of the castle when the Doctor is captured.

It all happens so fast that Rory is left struggling to remember how it all went down. The Doctor was testing doors with the sonic, though Rory was never sure what he was looking for. When he'd finally found his supposed target with a hahaaa of triumph, he tossed the screwdriver to Amy and--that's when it all went nuts.

Rory had been wrong about the guards; they're at least four times his size. This one must have been waiting right inside the door, because no sooner had the Doctor wrenched it open than its enormous shadow fell over him as it growled menacingly.

Those next moments were a blur, but Rory remembers shouting the Doctor's name, the Doctor saying "run, you idiots!" while facing away from Rory and Amy, and the guard running down the hall in that direction while carrying the Doctor as if he weighed nothing.

Rory is completely lost within the castle, but luckily Amy finds a vacant room where they hide and attempt to catch their breath.

As his mind starts to clear, Rory starts to put the pieces together. Notice everything, the Doctor had said, and Rory knew he could.

"Look!" Amy exclaims, pulling him from his thoughts. She points to a window, several feet above reachable height. "I bet if we worked together, we could move that chair underneath it and get out."

Rory stares at her incredulously. "Why would we do that?"

"To escape," she says succinctly.

Rory moves toward the wall, inspecting the height. They probably could reach it with the chair, if they--But wait, what is he even thinking? "We can't leave."

"Why not?" Amy challenges. "You said that we needed to be more careful in these situations. You said that we should only do what the Doctor tells us, and that otherwise we should stay out of trouble."

"Forget what I said!" Rory shouts, rounding on her. "The Doctor's been captured!"

A smug smile spreads over Amy's face, and Rory instantly feels repentant as he gets it. "Oh, yeah, good job. Rory was wrong once again. You must think you're so clever," he says, pulling a face.

"Yes, as a matter of fact. Now, what's the plan?"

Rory takes a few minutes to compose his thoughts. "Why do you think the guard ran off the wrong way after catching the Doctor?"

"He's stupid?" Amy says, shrugging.

Rory rolls his eyes. If he was the Doctor, she would've given an effort. "Nobody's so stupid as to run the wrong way after I clearly shouted from behind him. He's not stupid, he's deaf."

Amy's eyes widen. "And we still have the sonic," she says.

"So if we sneak in without being seen..."

"...we can rescue the Doctor."


Amy watches carefully as they make their way down the hall, reckoning that their shadows were what gave them away the first time. Rory keeps shouting "Doctor, if you can hear us, make a sound, as loud as you can!" He feels a bit silly every time there's no response, and a bit nervous as well. If he's wrong about the guard, then those will be terrible last words.

Before he starts feeling too ridiculous, there is a loud, obnoxious, and very fake sneeze from a room nearby.

"Doctor?" Amy asks as they stand on either side of the door.

Another sneeze, this one just as fake, followed by a growling, and then the Doctor says, "Terribly sorry, I seem to be allergic to your... floors."

"Doctor, we've got the sonic!" Rory says, trying not to be so loud that the vibrations pick up. He has no idea how sensitive a deaf giant would be to that, but he's not taking any chances.

"Setting 438b," the Doctor says carefully. Rory watches Amy fiddle with the controls and therefore misses the door swinging open behind him. He doesn't miss the huge guard sweeping him up into the air, or the subsequent handcuffing.

"Hullo," Rory says dismally when he and Amy are handcuffed and sat on either side of the Doctor.

"Hi," the Doctor says, smiling at him fondly.

"Staying out of trouble, I see," the Doctor says, facing Amy. Rory thinks at first she told the Doctor what he said, but he soon realizes based on her reaction that it's just an off-hand comment.

They're all tied up and facing the guard, which means they can see each other - a gross oversight on the part of the guard, Rory thinks. Still, the guard watches them very closely. He doesn't even blink; it's creepy.

"So, which one of you figured it out?" the Doctor asks, looking from Rory to Amy.

"Rory," Amy says succinctly, favoring him with a smile.

"Good old Rory. I knew you could do it. Always on your toes, eh?" he asks with a proud look, combined with a smile that lights up his whole face. "That's what I love about you."

Rory feels his face heating up under the Doctor's intense gaze, so he drops his gaze, ducking his head a bit. "It was no big deal."

"Of course it was!" the Doctor insists, leaning over a bit to bump his shoulder against Rory's. "It's not every day that a man encounters a giant Faleoci, let alone a deaf one. And to pick up on his weaknesses, that takes a special sort of man."

Rory fidgets within his metal ropes, unsure how he should respond. As he inspects the weird clasp on the ropes, he decides not to respond, instead changing the subject. "What do you make of these, then?"

"Oh, Jsundan technology. Quite beautiful. Excellent craftsman they've got. If only the workers hadn't been forced underground..."

The guard suddenly growls, and the Doctor turns as if to offer his rebuttal, but the guard is looking at Amy.

"What?" she asks, scowling. She lowers her hands from the side of her face back into her lap petulantly. "You try wearing your hair in a bun all day, tied up in a dungeon. If you even had hair," she mumbles.

"Amy," the Doctor warns, but the guard seems satisfied now that both of her hands are where he can see them.

The Doctor looks back at Rory as if to continue their conversation, but Amy interrupts, saying something that Rory cannot understand.

"What?" the Doctor says, apparently not understanding either.

"Was that English?" Rory teases.

"I said," she punctuates, then closes her mouth tightly and speaks out the side. "I think I figured it out."

The Doctor glances back at Rory, eyebrows raised. Rory shrugs; he's got no idea what she's talking about.

"Why did we get caught?" she continues, still in that awkward, mumbled tone. "Why are we tied up facing the guard? It's all the same reason. He can read our lips."

The guard growls three times as loud then, shifting forward and twisting his hands together in a threatening manner.

"Very efficiently," Amy adds, not bothering to hide her words now. "Doctor, explain to me again why planes would never be able to fly on that one planet?"

Rory struggles to figure out how she got to flightless planes from lip-reading guard, but after several moments of listening to the Doctor's rambling answer, he realizes it was just to placate the guard, who is back to watching them without his menacing look.

The wheels start turning in Rory's head, but before he can come up with any new ideas, Amy gives him her trademark determined look and says, "Both of you, start talking."

Rory feels flustered at first, but he does what she says, saying the first thing that comes to his head. "Talk about what? You know my wrists are starting to chafe here. And your hair is falling down, I don't know if you've noticed."

He keeps rambling in this manner, barely able to hear himself over the Doctor's simultaneous rambling.

"Now," Amy shouts over the two of them, "keep going but just mouth your words."

Rory does so, feeling a bit ridiculous but trusting Amy to have a plan. She starts talking while they mumble on silently, and in order to focus on what she's saying Rory has to find something to say that requires less thought. He decides to mouth the words to that song "Airplanes" that he kept hearing on the radio back home.

"So what we need to do is work together," she's saying, and Rory hopes the first part wasn't important. He chances a look at the guard, who is looking helplessly from one of them to the next, but he's not angry. More worried.

"On the count of three," Amy continues, "fall completely silent. Stop moving your mouth. Wait for me to start, and then shout like someone's coming to save us."

Rory understands her plan at the same time that he forgets the next verse to "Airplanes", which is just as well because she's already counting to three. He says "got it" at the same time that she says "three," and then the room is filled with an eerie silence.

The guard narrows his eyes at the three of them, scratching at the metal shield-thing on his shoulder. Rory thinks he still looks strangely nervous for a giant, ominous guard.

"We're in here!" Amy shouts with a bright look on her face. Rory takes the cue and starts shouting as if they're being rescued. He hears the Doctor's distinct instruction to the non-existent rescuer, "Hide around the corner!" and he repeats it himself, Amy doing the same after a moment.

The guard makes a terrifyingly loud noise, and Rory's heart pounds in his chest in apprehension, but the guard charges for the door instead of toward them.

There's a snap as Amy's bonds come loose, and she reaches into her pocket for the sonic screwdriver, handing it over to the Doctor quickly. The Doctor holds it awkwardly in front of him, sticking his tongue out as he struggles to change the setting while still in cuffs, but then he's pointing it at Rory and the metal slides loose. Another second and the same happens to the bonds on his feet.

The pounding of the guard's feet sounds like it's coming back, so Rory jumps to his feet as quickly as possible.

"Here," the Doctor says, "get my hands." Rory doesn't realize that he's talking to him until the sonic is soaring through the air toward him, and because of that, it falls to the ground with a loud clang. Rory counts his blessings that the guard is deaf, but he's definitely coming back toward them, so he hurries to pick it up and free the Doctor.

Amy is somehow free on her own, and she rolls her eyes as if they're taking too long and grabs each of their hands, pulling them behind her into the hallway.

The guard sees them instantly, tipping them off with his loud shout. Rory thinks they're probably in the clear so long as they run, but then the guard hits a panel on the wall and the floor shakes violently beneath them.

"Alarm system," Amy says.

"Shouldn't we run?" Rory asks, but the Doctor is just facing the guard with his typical smug smile.

"Now, now. Nobody panic. You, you're a Faleoci, correct?" he asks the guard. "An esteemed race, I always thought. 'Gentle giants,' you were called. Beautiful singing voices."

Rory shoots a disbelieving look at Amy, who shrugs. Rory supposes weirder things have turned out to be true.

The guard shifts on his feet, scratching at his shoulder again.

"And I'm guessing those panels aren't just for decoration?" the Doctor adds, pointing at his shoulder.

"Doctor," Amy says in a nervous voice as the pounding sound of Faleoci feet gets louder.

"Rory, if you please," the Doctor says, holding his hand out. Rory hands over the sonic, hoping like hell the Doctor already has a plan.

The Doctor points the sonic and Rory relies on its strange power like a lifeline as another Faleoci rounds the corner at the end of the hallway.

The metal shield on the guard's shoulder dents a bit, and the Doctor moves closer and gives it more attention. Rory can only stare in amazement when the guard doesn't even make a move toward him. The other guard stops when it catches up to them, choosing to watch rather than attack.

Amy grabs Rory's wrist and pulls him closer as they wait, unable to tell exactly what's going on.

"I can get it loose, but you've got to kneel down to my level," the Doctor says, enunciating his words. The guard does what he says, and within seconds the metal piece slides out, making the creature howl in pain.

Amy's grip tightens and Rory is sure they're about to be in worse danger, but the look of pain fades off the creatures face and then he... smiles.

"What?" Rory says, dumbfounded.

"Thank you," the guard says to the Doctor is this melodic voice. Rory is sure the dumbstruck look on Amy's face is mirrored on his own.

"You too, come on," the Doctor says to the other one. After quick work and another loud howl, he is free as well, and the two Faleoci start talking to each other in excited tones.

"Now let's go and save the planet," the Doctor declares. Rory can almost imagine a swell of music backing him up as he says it, but then he turns to Amy and waggles his eyebrows, and the effect is lost with their laughter.


"So their ears are in their shoulders?" Rory repeats later, after the chaos has died down. Well, as much as it can with the Doctor.

"Their ears are their shoulders," the Doctor clarifies, "or their shoulders are their ears."

"But how does that work? From a biological standpoint--"

"From a biological standpoint," Amy interrupts, "they're different. And unless you want to go back and dissect one, I suggest we get off to bed."

She levels him with a suggestive look, as if he didn't get the implication, and he lets the subject drop for now. Perhaps he can discuss it with the Doctor later.

"And how did you get free, then?" he asks, still curious.

She reaches into her hair and slides out a small piece of metal. "Bobby pin," she says with a smile.

"So much for exquisite Jsundan craftsmanship," Rory says, but the Doctor just shakes his head fondly at him while Amy guides him away toward their room.

In the privacy of their bedroom, Amy is usually quick to it. Back in their room, shut the door, get to work. Or even more likely, back in their room and on the bed, leaving Rory to shut the door.

But tonight she takes her time, savoring each kiss and touch. Rory loves this side of her when it arises, though it always goes one of two ways. Either she wants him to take the lead, or she wants to draw him out and loosen him up before springing something on him. Either way it always ends in a fantastic shag, but the buildup often fills him with a mix of excitement and apprehension.

She undresses him slowly, leaving long, lingering kisses all over his body, and somewhere in the back of his mind he acknowledges that she's going with the second type. Finally, she dispenses with the teasing, tongue sliding in and out of his mouth in rhythm with the slide of her hand over his cock.

Just as Rory starts to lose himself in it, though, she pulls back and slows the movement of her hand.

"Today was good," she says, reaching up to trace his lips with her fingers.

"Yeah," he agrees, not knowing where this is going but not particularly caring. That sentiment doubles when Amy takes advantage of his open mouth and slips two fingers inside. He curls his tongue around them, watching as she licks her lips and stares at his mouth.

She removes her fingers and reaches into the drawer for the tube of KY, looking to Rory for permission. When he gives it, heart racing, she wastes no time slicking up her fingers and pressing the first one in.

Rory hisses at the sensation, but Amy takes her time and waits for his nod before adding a second finger. He can't help screaming, "oh god," when her fingers slide in at just the right angle, making him see stars. She smirks and starts fucking her fingers in and out of him, enjoying watching him squirm.

"Do you remember...," Amy begins, and Rory mentally braces himself, "sitting tied up in the dungeon? The Doctor told you some things he loves about you."

"Now hardly seems the time to bring that up!" Rory says, his voice an embarrassing pitch.

"But you did that thing," she says, twisting her fingers again and making Rory arch his back. He wishes she would touch him, but knows that she won't until she gets to her point. "The same thing you did before we started dating. Where you would blush, duck your head, then change the subject."

"And?" he says, urging her to get to the point.

"And I just thought it might mean something," she says innocently, though Rory isn't remotely fooled.

He feels instantly flustered, but he manages to grit his teeth and say, "It doesn't."

"Okay," she says, and lets it go just like that. She pulls back her fingers and Rory makes an almost-involuntary whining noise, but then she slicks him up and shifts onto her back, letting him take control.

He feels a bit strung out as he fucks her, and he doesn't last very long, but he's sure to make it count for her even after he comes, and she seems to appreciate it.

Amy says goodnight and kisses him sweetly before turning out the light, but Rory doesn't fall asleep right away. The implications of Amy's question sink in further, and he's grateful that she's not awake to see his blush. He shakes his head and rolls over to wrap his arm around her and go to sleep, hoping a good night's rest will help him clear his head.


Unfortunately, one night's sleep doesn't drive the thought from his head, and Rory spends the next several days blushing and bumbling like an idiot every time the Doctor touches him or favors him or gives him certain looks. Luckily Amy doesn't seem to catch on, because she hasn't brought it up again even though it's been nearly a week.

A shagless week, not to mention, because of course Amy's got her time of the month at the same time as his... whatever-this-is. His maybe-fancying-the-Doctor. Maybe if he were getting shagged he would have gotten over this by now.

Not that he blames Amy for that part, obviously. He’s the one that’s squeamish about the whole ordeal, and it’s not exactly a cakewalk for her in general. He does his best to keep her in mind whenever they're running through the Neverending Plains of Whats-it or the Mountains of Hope-You-Wore-Your-Trainers, knowing that it can't be easy.

He had tried privately consulting the Doctor about any sort of futuristic, space-age medicine that would make her more comfortable, but when he'd asked, the Doctor had only looked at him like he'd grown a second head. Come to think of it, that would probably be easier for the Doctor to handle.

After a long day of worrying about Amy (though she's probably fine by now, he just can't help it) and stressing out about sneaking quietly through a building so as not to awaken the deadly guards (who turned out to be dead anyway), Rory's feeling irritable and exhausted. And then the Doctor makes some off-hand comment about the guards being dead for hours, and something in Rory snaps.

"Hang on," Rory says. "You knew they were dead?"

"Of course."

"The whole time?" he asks incredulously. The Doctor nods. "Well why didn't you say anything?"

"You two were already sneaking along, and I saw no harm in taking precautions."

Rory's nostrils flare. "This isn't the first time you've done this. On Jsunda, you knew the guards were deaf. You could have said, when he caught you."

"Perhaps, but where would be the fun in that?" the Doctor says, sharing a smile with Amy. "Besides, it's good for you to figure things out on your own once in a while."

"What, like little tests?" Rory accuses, feeling insulted.

"Rory," Amy says in a warning tone. Rory doesn't appreciate her taking sides when it's not his side she's on.

The Doctor waves her off, though, and focuses on Rory. "The two of you are extraordinary. I don't let just anyone travel with me, you know. Only the best. And when it coming to facing new challenges, solving new puzzles, sometimes I know, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I work it out, and sometimes I need some guidance."

"And sometimes you wait for us to catch up, like slow children!"

"Sometimes I'm thinking about other things!" he says, hands going and his hair looking more wild the more emphatic he gets. "I'm clever, but I don't always have the answer."

"But if you already have the answer and you purposefully don't tell us, how is that not a test?" He knows that he's frustrating the Doctor, but he's frustrated too.

"I would never keep something from you if it would cause you any harm," the Doctor says, tone soft. It's a redirect, not even remotely answering the question, but Rory's tired. Tired of arguing, tired of everything. He just wants to go to bed.

"Sure, fine," he says, and he walks away. He tries not to feel disappointed when nobody follows him or calls him back.

A few minutes later, Amy joins him in their bedroom. She doesn't say anything at first, but Rory doesn't expect her to.

"I think it makes him happy," she says quietly in the dark, before Rory has fallen asleep. "When he sees us succeed, it makes him feel good."

Maybe there's some truth in that, but right now, Rory can't see it. All he can think is how ridiculous he must have looked tiptoeing through rooms filled with glass walls, trying to keep quiet for no reason. And the Doctor knew it the whole time.

He makes a noncommittal noise in response, and Amy doesn't say anything more. He's still so exhausted, but sleep doesn't come easy.


About five minutes after waking up the next morning, Rory knows it's going to be a bad day. He wakes up in a cold sweat, turned on and trying unsuccessfully to remember the dream he was just having. He's still exhausted and Amy's nowhere to be found, so he goes to the bathroom and wills his erection to go away.

He stubs his toe on the way there, which accomplishes that last goal. As he's getting dressed, he remembers his argument with the Doctor, and finds that his anger hasn't diminished overnight. The only clean socks he can find are mismatched, and then to top it all off, he trips and nearly falls on his face as soon as he comes into view of Amy and the Doctor, who have apparently been waiting for him.

Amy laughs as she helps him up, but then she kisses him good morning and circles an arm around him. Rory thinks maybe he can salvage the day.

"Where are we off to?" he asks Amy, but it's the Doctor who answers.

"Back to Jsunda," he says, excited smile stretching over his face. "The other side this time, though. Some of my favorite wildlife lives on Jsunda, and I've been thinking how much I'd love to see it."

They land on the other side of the planet only a few hours after they left it, but it seems a completely different world. Rory supposes the Farsowians' reach only extended so far, because this land is flourishing with creatures of all shapes and sizes.

As they wander through the forest, Rory marvels at the beauty of all the different types of creatures. They don't seem to be disturbed by the three visitors, and some of them even approach them.

At one point, as they walk, Rory makes a snide comment to Amy about the Doctor probably knowing something absurd, like that the trees are alive, and just waiting for the two of them to catch on. Amy punches him hard in the shoulder at that, so he doesn't make any more comments.

Just their luck, though, they soon stumble into the home of a pack of wild somethings, and then they're off again, running through the forest. Rory's really getting tired of the running. He remembers his prediction about the badness of the day, and curses his past self for being right. At least most of the time they're running, they're accomplishing something or about to in the future. This time, though, they were just daft. Rory wonders with a twinge if the Doctor suspected this would happen and let them do it anyway.

They run along for a while, and Rory's starting to think they must be in the clear by now when suddenly something grabs his wrist and he's pulled into the bushes.

Before he can react, there's a hand over his mouth and a voice saying, "Don't shout. We don't have much time."

Rory can't believe it. It's... himself. "The Doctor exaggerated," Rory says as soon as he's allowed to speak. "My nose doesn't look that bad from the side."

His other self rolls his eyes. "Listen, you can't trust the Doctor."

"What?" Rory narrows his eyebrows. "Why not?"

"Just trust me. You need to get Amy and get away as soon as you can."

"Hold on. How could you come back to tell me this if you're not with the Doctor?"

"There's no time for that now! Just you and Amy, away from the Doctor, ASAP."

Rory opens his mouth to ask again, why? But then there's a rustling and his future self ducks away in the other direction.

Amy appears then, grabbing him by the shirtfront and pulling him along. "This is no time for dawdling!" she reprimands.

"But..." Rory looks behind him, but the other version of himself is long gone.

His mind is still racing when they reach the TARDIS, but he doesn't say anything right away.

The Doctor eventually says they should be fine to go outside in a few minutes, "Terrible memories they've got," so Amy goes to the wardrobe to change shirts.

"So, Doctor?" Rory asks, waiting to get his attention. The Doctor keeps messing with the console of the TARDIS, but he glances up at Rory briefly to show he's listening. "I, um, saw myself today."

"Did you now? That's nice. How did you look?" he asks, moving to mess about with some wires along the wall.

"No, I mean, I saw myself. From the future. Well, more like bumped into him. Me."

"You can't have done. Two versions of one person can't exist in the same place at the same time. There would be consequences."

Rory crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at the Doctor's back. "But what about you? There were two versions of you in the museum."

"Occasionally, not very likely but occasionally, there are exceptions."

Rory really wishes the Doctor would just acknowledge him. "Maybe this was an exception."

"I doubt it. Here, hold this for me, would you?" the Doctor says, facing Rory for only a brief moment to hand him some unknown contraption and then turn back to his work.

Rory stares at the Doctor's back, frustrated and fuming. He may not know much about the universe, but he knows what he saw. And for the Doctor to completely dismiss him, it's the highest insult.

Amy startles him by sneaking up behind and wrapping her arms around his waist. She catches him at the worst possible moment and all he can think is that he needs some air. "Hold this," he tells her, shoving the device into her hands before stalking off.

He can hear the Doctor's happy exclamation of "Amy!" as he grabs his coat, followed by her response of, "What crawled up his arse?" He wishes he didn't care so much about the TARDIS, or he'd slam the door on his way out.

He shoves his hands in his pockets once he's outside, begrudgingly acknowledging that he shouldn't wander too far off on his own. He contemplates what his future self said, and even in his anger, it still sounds a bit absurd. But he'd been so insistent, and maybe this was just the tip of the iceberg.

He walks in and out of clearings, mindful of which direction he's going, until finally he decides to stop and rest for a moment. All his fuming is starting to tire him out, or maybe that's the running finally catching him up.

While he's sitting on the log, feeling sorry for himself, he's surprised to hear a somewhat-familiar squeak. He looks toward the treeline and sure enough, it's one of the pachmunks.

"Oh, hello," Rory says, reaching out to it. "What are you doing here? We dropped you off on the other side of the planet only a few hours ago."

"There are teleportation zones all over the planet," Amy says, coming into the clearing. "Clearly marked so people won't stumble in, but animals wander into them all the time."

Rory shoots her a disbelieving look. "And how do you know that?"

"The Doctor was just telling me about it," she says, joining him on the log.

"Can you believe him?" Rory asks, still riled up. He doubts she'll take his side, but hopes she'll let him rant just the same. "He didn't even listen to me, just shoved off messing with the TARDIS!"

"Forget the Doctor," Amy says, placing her hand on his knee. She leans in with this odd, determined look, but Rory just isn't in the mood.

"Let's go for a walk," he suggests instead, standing and offering her his hand. She begrudgingly takes it and, to his surprise, doesn't give him a hard time for going off without the Doctor.

Amy stays close and they walk on, Rory silently fuming, until he can't take it anymore. "I know you're probably not going to take my side, but can't you just hear me out on this one?"

"What kind of wife would I be if I didn't?"

Rory gives her a look at her use of the term, because clearly she's making fun of him, but he trudges on anyway.

"You know as well as I do that it's tough enough trying to keep up with the Doctor. No matter where we go or what we do or who we accidentally insult, he's always got the solution. Does that not bother you?"

Amy shrugs noncommittally.

"And then the rare times that we do have a chance to pitch in, it turns out he already knew! I mean, how many times has he just been having us on?"

"But what would it be like if he didn't?" Amy asks, sounding bored.


"If he just told you all the answers. Wouldn't that be boring?"

Rory hadn't thought of it that way. "I suppose so. But why even have us along if he doesn't need us?" He regrets his words instantly, bracing himself for Amy's reaction. But she just shrugs again, and something starts to niggle at the back of Rory's mind.

"I suppose we do help at times," he amends after a moment of walking on silently, rethinking his argument. "And he's not always there, the Doctor. Like right now, if we were attacked (knock on wood), we'd need to be able to defend ourselves. Maybe he just wants to know that we can handle ourselves."

He feels a bit foolish now, thinking back on their argument. He still thinks the Doctor should speak up if there's something they're obviously missing, but he realizes more now about the Doctor's intentions. He cringes to think that the Doctor might have thought Rory was telling him he should always have the answer.

"Well, now that you've figured that out, let's get on with the snogging."

Now that sounds more like Amy, but that fact brings that niggling thought to the front of his mind.

He pulls back from her, saying, "Would you sod off with the kissing? Can't we just talk for five minutes?"

"I'm your wife! Why would you not want to kiss your wife?"

At that exclamation, Rory is positive that she isn't his wife, but she pushes him hard against a tree and plants one on him before he can do anything.

He pushes her back roughly and spits on the ground. "Who are you?" he demands to know. "Because you're not Amy and you do not belong in that body."

She backs up a step, looking frightened. "Rory, it's me."

Rory matches her, step for step. "Amy would never have let me suggest that we shouldn't be with the Doctor."

She sneers then, looking suddenly so unlike Amy that it floors him. "Why are you so attached to that man anyway? He doesn't even care about you!"

"Oh, but he does," Rory says with conviction, and almost like they're in a novel and Rory has summoned him, there's an obnoxiously loud rustling and the Doctor appears, running toward them.

The fake Amy backs up further, staring in horror at the Doctor, and then takes off running the opposite direction.

"Rory! Thank goodness it's you," the Doctor says, and honestly he's looked better. He's pale and very winded, which is weird, and Rory's about to run away from him but somehow he knows this is the real Doctor. "Wait, is it you? How many years did you guard the Pandorica?"

"One thousand eight hundred ninety four," Rory answers dutifully.

"Fantastic. Ask me something only I would know."

"What's the square root of 973?"


"Alright, it's you."

"Technically I'm not the only one who would know that," the Doctor points out, but Rory talks over him.

"What's going on? Where's Amy?"

"She's back in the TARDIS. She's fine. Are you all right?"

Rory was about to ask the Doctor the same question; obviously Rory's fine, he doesn't look like death.

The Doctor apparently figures out as much, because he continues without a response from Rory. "There was this creature, a shapeshifter. Looked like you."

He's still breathing heavily, which is enough out of the ordinary that Rory has to ask, "Did he attack you? Can I help?"

"We need to get you back to the TARDIS," the Doctor says, ignoring Rory's questions. "Amy's resting, but she needs you to give her the antidote."

Before the word 'antidote' is completely out of the Doctor's mouth, Rory starts heading back the way the Doctor came, not caring that at some point he's lost his way. "She's been poisoned? Why couldn't you give it to her? I thought you said she was fine."

"The shapeshifters' kisses are like poison. Yror got to her before I could warn her. But she's fine now, I was able to take away most of the damage."

"Ee-roar?" Rory repeats, blindly forging on through the forest and letting the Doctor push him along when he goes the wrong way.

"No not ee-roar. Yror. Rory backwards." He giggles to himself as if he's just been very clever, and Rory just rolls his eyes.

"Their kisses can't be deadly, though. The other Amy forced herself on me before I ran off."

The Doctor nods, nudging Rory to the left a bit. "It doesn't work by force. You've got to... want it." He pauses there, and Rory is sure there's something else he's about to say, but he never does.

"Great, well. Nice to know some shapeshifter was seducing my wife while I was away."

"Yes, but you resisted Yma's seduction! I'm impressed."

"She wasn't Amy," Rory says, because it was obvious once he stopped obsessing over the Doctor. But he feels a bit lighter, especially when he sees the tiny proud smile on the Doctor's face. "You still haven't told me why you couldn't give Amy the antidote."

"Oh, it's simple. The poison was in the false kiss. So all she needs to get better is the same kiss, but genuine."

Rory likes the sound of that. He actually kind of gets to be the hero this time.

They reach the TARDIS, and Rory heads straight back to their bedroom. When Amy sees him, she sits up and pulls her covers instinctively toward herself, and Rory's stomach plummets.

"It's me," he says, staying back.

She narrows her eyes and purses her lips. "Who was my first kiss?"

"Jeff Angelo," Rory answers, resigned.

She visibly relaxes, and Rory can tell she's completely worn out. He comes closer to the bed, and she gives him the shy little smile he almost never sees anymore, the one he used to love to get when they were kids.

"This is a regular Sleeping Beauty situation, isn't it?" Rory says, returning her smile.

"Except I'm awake, so don't try anything. I can shout for help," she retorts, smirking.

Rory laughs and leans in to kiss her. She meets him halfway and kisses him softly.

"Sorry to interrupt," the Doctor interrupts, "but you should probably know." He pauses to wait for them to pull apart, which Rory reluctantly does. "For this to work, she's got to... want it... as much as she did the first time. Which is going to be twice as hard now that she's feeling like death."

"How far did you go with this bloke!?" Rory demands, staring at Amy.

"Don't look at me like that! I thought he was you!" She shoots the Doctor a look, and Rory doesn't know if it's for support or to see whose side he's on, but the Doctor doesn't respond to it. Mostly he just looks like death himself.

"Wait," Rory says, and his head is suddenly spinning as it all starts to sink in but, "I've got an idea."

"I'll just leave you two to it, then," the Doctor says.

"Wait!" Rory shouts after him. He looks back at Amy for confirmation, but she just looks confused. Still, looking at her, he gets the courage to make his next move.

He stands up and approaches the Doctor, but he speaks to Amy. "Amy, did the Doctor say anything to you when the shapeshifter attacked?"

"Yes," she answers. "He grabbed me 'round the middle and shouted something like, 'Amy, no! He's not the real Rory and his kisses are deadly!'"

Rory nods. He was hoping it was something like that. "See, you always fool us," he begins, speaking to the Doctor now. "You know so much about alien races and their planets and how they attack, we always just assume you already know. But you don't always, and I don't think you knew this time." The Doctor looks back at him, expression schooled into one of casual interest, but his eyes betray him by widening. "I think you let Yror kiss you."

Amy gasps behind him, and Rory glances back at her. "He did! I remember he shouted 'I thought I already took care of you' before I passed out."

When Rory looks back at the Doctor, he's holding his hands up in a defensive position. "Look, it doesn't work the same with me. I have a different physiology--"

"Then why do you look like you've been steamrolled and then fluffed back up? No," he insists as the Doctor starts to protest, "we know how it works. A true kiss to make up for the false one."

"Whoa," the Doctor says as Rory steps closer, "stop this right now. How do I know you're not Yror?"

"How do I know you're not Rotcod?"

"Because I'm not trying to kiss you!" He sounds slightly hysterical, and Rory doubts his plan of action once again. "And I'm fine! Look at me, I'm fine. It's not going to kill me."

"But it hurts," Amy interjects from the bed.

"What?" the Doctor says, sidetracked.

"It hurts. Don't tell me it doesn't, I can feel it too."

"Right! And you were clutching your side earlier." Rory spares a second to worry about Amy, but if the Doctor will just cooperate, he can get to her sooner.

The Doctor protests again, and Rory momentarily doubts himself, but he remembers the Doctor's words. They wouldn't be in this situation if he hadn't wanted it at least a little bit. The Doctor backs up half a step, and Rory grabs the lapels of his jacket to keep him from going anywhere.

"You don't have to do this," the Doctor says one more time.

Rory studies the Doctor's face, his worried and ancient eyes, and then his gaze falls on the Doctor's mouth, and he has only one thought. "I want to."

"Oh, just kiss him already!" Amy shouts, so Rory does.

The Doctor flails a bit after being pulled forward, but Rory ignores him and focuses on making it a worthwhile kiss. This may be his only chance, after all.

After a few moments, the Doctor is still nonresponsive, so Rory pushes forward and bit and runs his tongue along the Doctor's lower lip, letting go of his jacket with one hand and moving it to the back of the Doctor's neck. The Doctor gives a great shudder and his lips part slightly. Rory smiles a bit and takes the invitation, sliding his tongue forward to explore the Doctor's mouth.

The Doctor's flailing gets worse after that, one hand a slight pressure on Rory's shoulder as if he's thinking of pushing him away, and the other possessive over Rory's hip as if to pull him closer. Still no proper kissing though, which frustrates Rory.

Rory lets go of the jacket entirely to move his hand to the Doctor's back, pulling their bodies closer. The Doctor utters a soft, "mm," tongue curling against Rory's, and for a moment, it's perfect. Then Rory has to go and moan into the kiss, and the Doctor takes a giant step back as if he's been brought to his senses.

His gaze darts around the room, skittish, and Rory is at least grateful to see that there's plenty of color back in his cheeks. Mission accomplished, he supposes. It was nice while it lasted.

There is a brief moment when the Doctor's gaze stills somewhere close to Rory's left, and Rory thinks he's going to say something, but then Amy appears in his peripheral and before he can think anything, she's pulling his face to hers and kissing him breathless.

Her tongue licks inside his mouth thoroughly, trying to salvage every taste of the Doctor. Rory can't find it in himself to mind, though, and a thrill shoots up his spine as she shifts her weight and then wraps her legs around his back, trusting him to hold her up. She shudders all over as he guides the two of them back toward the bed, going still for just a moment.

Rory presses his advantage in that moment to push her onto the bed and crawl on top of her, kissing her feverishly all the time. Amy comes back to herself and brings their bodies flush against each other with a beautiful moan, and Rory blushes to think of the Doctor watching them.

Unable to stop thinking about it once the Doctor pops into his head, Rory pulls back to see the expression on the Doctor's face. He tries not to feel disappointed when he discovers the Doctor is no longer there. He half-expected it; he shouldn't feel so bad to find he was right.

"Doctor!" Amy calls, obviously thinking along the same lines. She continues to push their hips together though, luckily as caught up in this as Rory is. Rory joins her in calling for the Doctor, but he doesn't come back. Rory wonders if his leaving the door open when he left means anything.

Rory knows the moment Amy gives up on getting him back, because she pulls his zipper down and gives him her full attention. After that, Rory doesn't feel disappointed for a while.


Part Two
Tags: fandom: doctor who, pairing: eleven/amy/rory, rating: nc-17
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